How can I have a good conversation?

Hi girl of 16,

It’s a common problem that conversation doesn’t come so easily when you are with someone you don’t know so well. It’s even more difficult when you like the person, because then you’re maybe thinking so hard of something to say that your mind goes blank.

You need to spend time together if you want to get to know each other better. You could invite him along with some of your friends, and get to know him through being together with others. It‘s often easier to get to know each other, and talk naturally, when you do something together. You could go for a walk, play a game, or do an activity like bowling or curling or something else where you can have fun together.

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Try to relax when you talk to him, don’t think too much about what you should say, because then your mind might just go blank. If you are relaxed, then you will not feel panicky even though there’s a lull in the conversation.  Some silence is normal in a conversation, and it doesn’t have to be embarrassing. You don’t need to plan what you’ll say in advance; if you do, then the conversation can feel a bit unnatural. But it can be a good idea to have some topics for conversation in the back of your mind, so you can bring them up if necessary. Remember that both of you should talk, it’s not only your responsibility to make the conversation flow.

Here are some suggestions for topics for conversation which you can have in order to get to know each other better. You’re not having an interview, but you do want to approach a subject by asking him a question, and then asking more questions because you’re interested in finding out more. Tell him about your life so that the conversation flows between you. By sharing from your own life you show that you’re interested in him.

School and leisure time: What does he do at school, at work, or in his free time? Does he have hobbies and interests? What about music, books, and films? You can talk about daily life, what does he do at school, in his football club, and so on. You can tell him about something funny that happened to you.

Family: You can ask him about his family, his parents and any brothers or sisters. What is his family situation like? Have they got a good relationship? You can ask him about family traditions, such as Christmas and summer holidays.

Friends: Talk about friends and find out if you have any common friends.

Holidays:  If it’s soon Christmas, Easter or summer you can ask him about any plans or traditions they have. You can also talk about your own plans and experiences. You can talk about funny holiday memories and dreams for future holidays.

Other things: You can talk about what interests you and what you spend time doing. This might be news, politics, sports, or anything else. By talking about what you’re interested in you show him who you are, and then it’s easier to talk. Remember that he must be allowed to have his own opinions, and to have totally different interests than you have. You get to know other people very well by sharing your opinions with each other. The point is not to agree, but to get to know each other.

Remember that silence doesn’t need to be embarrassing. You don’t always need to have something to talk about. Sometimes it can be just fine to have some silence. When you watch a film, or eat, play a game or do an activity, or even just sitting and thinking, it can be fine to have some periods of silence. Just relax and be natural, then it will be relaxing to be with each other. 


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Best wishes, boyandgirl.info