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From a bisexual man

Hi, I’m a 21-year-old bisexual guy, and I want to know how I can get my focus off men. I believe that homosexual sex is wrong and immoral, and at the same time I can’t deny that I get strongly attracted to women.
I’ve never had sex, and I’ve promised myself that I’ll never have sex with a man, but as time goes on that attraction gets harder and harder to ignore.
What should I do?

Hi, and thanks for your question!

We understand that it can be hard to struggle with these feelings. It’s not just people with bisexual or homosexual feelings who want to get involved in sex acts or relationships that they know deep down are wrong. For example, a person who believes in what the Bible says about sexual limits can also lust after people he or she isn’t married to, even though the Bible only allows sexual relationships within marriage between one man and one woman. People, regardless of their perspective on life, will admit that they are sexually attracted to other people apart from their partner or spouse, and they have to choose not to give in to these feelings, so that they can be faithful to their partner or spouse.

Everyone can have desires and cravings to engage in sexual activity we know is wrong, for example giving in to the temptation to be unfaithful. We all have to live with the fact that there are sexual acts or relationships that we will never experience. It’s not about suppressing these feelings and desires, but about recognizing that we have to live with some desires that we will never have fulfilled.

When you find that the idea of having sex with a man goes against your conscience, it is the same sort of thing that happens when a married man senses in his conscience that it is wrong to have sex with anyone but his wife. Although a married man can be tempted to fantasize about having sex with others, he has to learn not to give in to it. He does this as he sees that it is much more important to have a good relationship with his wife, and because he knows that it’s better to be faithful to her than to give in to other temptations. It is important to remember that we are not defined by what we feel: what is much more important is what we choose to do or not do. Different people experience different sexual temptations, and we all know how hard it is to follow what our conscience tells us to do, and not give in to these desires. It’s never worth going against your conscience.

Attractions and infatuations will come and go, but it is our choice if we give in to them and nourish them. Just as we have to give up a relationship if the other person isn’t interested in us, sometimes we also have to give up feelings for different reasons. You write that you are a bisexual man, so we assume that you are sexually attracted to both men and women. Since you feel that it isn’t right to have a sexual relationship with a man, you also have to decide not to give in to any attraction or infatuation you may have towards a man. You can also decide not to give in to sexual fantasies about men, in the same way as you would not give in to the temptation to be unfaithful to your wife if you were married. As you are attracted to both men and women, there is a big chance that sometime you will find a woman you are attracted to, and who perhaps wants to share their life with you.

Remember that choice of a marriage partner is much more about a good friendship and faithfulness than about sexual attraction and sex. You can also give this to God and ask Him to help you find the right wife. You can get in touch with a church leader, or a priest, pastor or counsellor who you can talk to and pray with. He or she can also help you to order your thoughts and emotions, so it will be easier to make good choices and live the life God has created you to live.


Best wishes

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