Getting along better with your friend. A recipe?

Hi.

I'm an 18 year old boy and go to a Bible school where I live in, and share a room with someone who was, until recently, my best friend. I get the impression that he more or less hates me now, because I point out little things about him that bother me. We're both the very direct sort who say things straight out. It makes me sad when I think about the way he sees me now. I want us to be friends, but feel like I'm just being rejected. I feel guilty and like it's all my fault and everyone, apart from me, is perfect. I also have a few other things in my life I often think about, - which doesn't exactly make things easier. What do we have to do get along with each other better?

Hi, "18 year old boy".

Thanks for bringing up a very relevant matter. Getting along with people is not always easy. Sharing a room with someone is probably one of the closest things you get to another person who is not your own flesh and blood, before you eventually get married. In this sense, it is good to try out living that close to another person the way you are now. Proverbs 27:17 says: “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.”

Being sharpened like this does not always feel good. Humans have rough edges sticking out and wearing them down can make this "sharpening" painful, and you're not the only one to find other people's habits annoying. We all do in the course of life. But we can choose how to tackle the irritation - and we all have irritating habits of our own that need dealing with!

First of all, we recommend that you get help with the thoughts that are burdening you. Is there anyone at the Bible School you can talk to about them? You don't say what they are. Things inside that bother us color what think other people mean by what they say, and the way we talk back to them.

Next, we recommend that you are honest with your friend and put what you feel into words. When you open up, he maybe will also want to say what he finds difficult. Communication is important in all interpersonal relationships. Say you are sad at the turn things have taken and you want to start over. Tell him what was irritating you, so he can think it over, and say you are aware the reason behind your irritation may have something to do with them reminding you of some person or thing that is bothering you. Perhaps you could also suggest that you pray together about it all? There's a proverb that says: “Pray together, stay together”.

It may also be a good idea to dampen your direct tone with each other in future. Colossians 4:6 says: “Let your words always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.”

And as to feeling everyone else is so perfect: they're not! We all have our own issues to work on. But it's much easier for us to put on a mask and not be open about our problems.

The good thing is that you're bringing the matter up. That means you want to do something about it. And once you’ve figure out the problems, you'll come out of this year closer together and stronger.

Best of luck and kind regards BoyandGirl.info

Spør oss / Besvarte spørsmål

Getting along better with your friend. A recipe?