How do you know you're gay?

Hi

Thank you for asking that question

Some people have what we call homosexual feelings. This means that they feel sexually and erotically attracted to people of the same gender as themselves. During the teenage years, quite a few people experience feelings both towards people of the same gender as themselves and people of the opposite sex. It doesn't necessarily mean they are gay or lesbian. These feelings can also change over time. Therefore, it is not usual to consider someone homosexual unless they only have feelings for people of the same sex, which has lasted over several years. Precisely because feelings can fluctuate so much in the teenage years, it is often too early to say that someone is gay or lesbian before they start to become adults and the feelings have stabilized.

Whether or not a person chooses to identify as gay is solely the individual's decision. Some who find that homosexual feelings are constant over many years choose to tell themselves and the outside world that they are homosexual. However, there are also individuals who experience such feelings but choose not to engage in same-sex relationships, and some of them acknowledge having homosexual feelings without necessarily defining themselves as homosexual.

If you are confused and wondering if you are gay or not, it might be a good idea not to stress about it. If you find it difficult to keep this to yourself, it can be a great help to talk to an adult you trust. It could be, for example, a pastor, priest, or spiritual leader. Many people find that it is much easier to live with their feelings when they have someone to talk to.

We would recommend you do listen to Sam Allberry’s podcast about experiencing homosexual feelings: https://guttogjente.no/podcast-identity-in-christ

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