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I drank too much, had sex and the condom tore

I ended up drinking too much at a party (normally I try to avoid parties) but I ended up really drunk. I ended up with my ex girlfriend, she had also drunk too much, and we had sex. We discovered that the condom we used tore during sex. She took the morning after pill six or seven hours later.

I’m a Christian and I’m really afraid about the situation I’ve ended up in. I’m afraid to talk to anyone about it, afraid of the pill not working, and afraid of my life being turned upside down if she ends up being pregnant. I don’t have a concrete question, but I hope you can give me some advice about what I should do. I’m terrified about the whole situation and I don’t know if I can forgive myself for what I’ve done.

Thanks for your input,

You are in a difficult situation, and it’s easy to understand the fear and anxiety you feel now. At the same time, you show by the way you write that your conscience is intact, and that you are able to regret what you’ve done – that’s positive. You can be completely sure that God will forgive you if you turn to Him and ask His forgiveness. It may take some time for you to be able to free yourself from the shame and unforgiveness you feel towards yourself, but you will notice a gradual change if you ask God to help you with these feelings.

You can help yourself by taking practical responsibility for what you’ve done, especially as it involves someone else. Show that you are a man who takes responsibility for his actions. If you do this it will also help you to forgive yourself.

Firstly, it is important that you talk to your ex girlfriend and perhaps also ask her forgiveness for the situation you have put her in. Ask her how she is, and how it was for her to take the morning after pill, it may be she’s also going through a very hard time too. Show her that you support her and that you are willing to help her in any way possible. You may find out that she’s not pregnant. But if she is, you have to be prepared to take responsibility during the pregnancy and in your role as a father.

Secondly, it will be good for you to repent, to make an active choice to do things differently. Jesus says ‘Go now and leave your life of sin’ John 8:11. Decide here and now that you won’t put yourself in a situation like this again. Think through how you can avoid getting into the same situation again. Perhaps you need to have a serious talk with your ex girlfriend and decide once and for all if you will stay together or not? Maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship to alcohol, or the situations in which you choose to drink?

Thirdly, perhaps you should think about how you view sex, or how God views sex. God has put boundaries around sex, and it’s important you understand He doesn’t do this to be a killjoy! He’s created the laws of nature so that in theory most times a man has sex with a woman she might get pregnant. No prevention is totally safe, so if you have sex with your girlfriend you have to know that you are ready to take responsibility if she gets pregnant. It’s important to know that God only wants the best for us, and this includes the commandment to keep sex within marriage. This is first of all in order to protect small children, so that they have a good family to grow up in, with a mum and dad who have chosen to be there. And second, it is to protect us from hurts and wounds in our soul, like you experience now.

When you have sex, you become ‘one flesh’, and you are bound together with invisible ties (see our article: The invisible reality of sex). In addition to asking God and each other for forgiveness, you also need to ask God to break the unhealthy ties that were created between you when you ‘became one flesh’, when you had sex.

Finally, remember that God can turn every situation for the good. God is there for you and He can turn this situation into something good. Be secure in the knowledge that God can forgive you and He will help you no matter what the result is.


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God bless you and keep you!

Best wishes

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