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I think that I'm gay

Hi, I think I’m gay! But my problem is telling my mom and dad because they will be upset about it. What would you recommend me to do?

Hello dear, and thank you for your question.

Many teenagers find it difficult to be open with their parents about personal matters, regardless of the topic. Often, the dialogue between parents and children/youth revolves around practical tasks, giving instructions, and talking more at each other than with each other. If one is not accustomed to talking about how they feel, it becomes even more challenging to share difficult emotions. In such situations, one may become uncertain about how they will be received, whether they will be understood, if their parents will become angry, upset, or sad, or if they will make a big deal out of it. Many teenagers are afraid to tell their parents about their feelings and how they're doing precisely because, like you, they fear their parents will become angry. Many young people feel that adults are making a bigger fuss than necessary.

Parents want what's best for their children, and this concern often turns into worries that can lead them to become overly involved. Sometimes, you may not need your parents to do or say anything; you just need them to listen and understand. It can help to start the conversation by saying exactly that. “I'm saying this to tell you about what it's like to be me. I need to share my feelings with you. So it would be great if you could just listen to what I have to say without interrupting me or commenting. I know that what I'm about to say may surprise you or make you upset, but it's still important for me to have someone to share my feelings with because this is not easy for me either.”

It’s not easy to be alone with your thoughts, that’s why it’s important to share them with someone you can trust.

Read: Hvordan fortelle om homofile følelser

Now, we don't know your parents, and they might get upset, but usually, that feeling passes, and it will feel good for them to know how you're doing and what you're struggling with. It might be wise to prepare what you want to say and write it down in advance so that you can express it the way you want. Find a time when you have plenty of uninterrupted time to talk so you don't risk having to cut the conversation short.

If you find it difficult to say it out loud, you can write it to them so they can read it when you're not there. It's helpful to articulate why you're anxious about telling them and how you're afraid they might react. This helps them to respond in a supportive manner. For example: “I fear that you might get upset when you read this,” or“I'm a bit scared to tell you this because I know that you…”

End the letter by expressing how you would like them to respond. Whether you want them to come and talk to you about it afterward or if you don't want to discuss it. “The response I would like to receive is: Dear (your name), We appreciate your letter and that you have shared your feelings with us. We love you, and we will always be here for you.”

Read: Skal jeg si at jeg er bifil?

You didn’t mention how old you are, nor how long you have thought about this.

In adolescence, sexual feelings can still develop in different directions, and many may at times wonder whether they are homosexual or bisexual. Only when such feelings have persisted over several years, and one has become mature enough for the emotions to stabilize, can one say someone is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Feelings and attractions can change, so one's sexual orientation is not necessarily fixed for life. 

Regardless, it would be beneficial for you to talk to someone you trust so that they can be aware of the thoughts and feelings you carry. It's unhealthy to dwell on these thoughts alone and worry excessively.

If you are genuinely concerned about how your parents will react, we recommend speaking to a school nurse, pastor, leader, counselor, or another trusted adult first. They can assist you in approaching the conversation or even be present with you during it.

Since you are asking your question on this website, we assume that you are a Christian and wish to live as a Christian, thus seeking guidance on this matter from a classic evangelical Christian standpoint. We recommend listening to the podcasts from the seminar with Sam Allberry and Olof Edsinger: Identity in Christ

You can also find more information on the topic here:

Hvordan kan jeg være homofil hvis jeg er kristen.
Har homofile følelser
Hvordan får man vite at man er homo

All the best!

Kind regards, BoyandGirl.info

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