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I want to get rid of negative thoughts

I’m a 16-year-old girl. Some boys have called me ‘ugly’ several times. I have forgiven them, but their words haunt me all the time, especially when I find out that a boy who I like, likes another girl. Then I think it’s because I’m so ugly. I do try not to think so negatively, and usually I feel fine in other situations. I know this has something to do with the way people are made. Have you got any tips or Bible verses I can read or use when I’m feeling really bad? I’ve asked for advice before, but I feel that God is the only one who can help me to forget these things. It’s impossible for me to do that, I’ve been trying for four years.


When the boys call you ‘ugly’, we don’t really know what they mean by that. What they say does not reflect on who YOU are, but on who THEY are. It is what comes out of a person that tells us who the person is, and the fact that they can say things like that tells us more about them than about you. The fact that these boys can say things like that tells you a bit about who they are, and maybe you should save your attention until a guy appears who treats you with the honour and respect you deserve.

It’s great that you feel fine in other situations! Keep feeling that way, it will affect the way you present yourself and that in turn affects how others see you and treat you. The things you think about yourself will affect other people too.

Remember, no one is ‘ugly’. There is beauty in everyone, but some people don’t look long enough to discover it. You are beautiful too! It doesn’t matter what boys have or have not said. This can be hard to believe, especially when you’re a teenager with all the demands and expectations that come with that time of life. The idea of an ideal body or looks which especially girls are exposed to is totally unrealistic! We’re not created to have a Barbie-body or looks. Beauty is about other things, not lips, boobs, long eyelashes or make-up. This can be so hard to remember when magazines, films and TV say the opposite. The great thing about growing a little older is that you get the opportunity to enjoy being who you are. Then your self-confidence gets stronger, and you can cope better with lack of feedback or hurtful comments. But regardless of your age, the most important person to like you, is yourself. It is possible to like yourself, no matter how old you are. The best thing about a person is not what they look like, but who they are. When you choose a partner or friends, you don’t choose according to appearance, but you choose a person you will live with every day, also when they are old and their appearance changes. Beauty is about your charisma, about your warmth, friendliness, compassion and helpfulness.

Our Creator says that He is very satisfied with you! When He sees you, He rejoices over you (Zephanian 3:17).

To us girls He says: ‘Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father’s house. Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord’ (Psalm 45:10–11).

When He says these things, then you can forget the people who say negative things, forget what the fashion magazines say about beauty, forget what the boys say. God says, ‘Look to me, listen to me, I KNOW. And I rejoice over your beauty!’ He loved you before you were born, and He knew exactly what He was doing when He created you (Psalm 139).

He says that He will never ever abandon you! (Isaiah 43:1–2, 4; Hebrews 13:5b). NOTHING can separate you from the love of God! ‘For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord’ (Romans 8:38–39).

One thing you can do is to make sure that you don’t spend too much time on these lies, but that you quickly replace them with the truth. You can have Bible verses ready at hand to use, and sentences which you have already written out, which you can repeat to yourself when the lies come into your thoughts. You can write sentences on post-it notes, and attach them to a mirror, or a wall, or have them on your mobile phone so that you can fill your thoughts with good things, ‘brainwash’ yourself with the truth.

Here are some suggestions for sentences you can use: ‘I’m good enough!’, ‘It’s good being me!’, ‘I’m beautiful’, ‘It’s better to trust God than people’. (See Psalm 118:8.) ‘I’m wonderfully created by God!’, ‘God has made me just as He wanted me to be’, ‘God rejoices over me’, ‘I am God’s beloved, He says I am beautiful!’ (From Psalm 139:13–17; Zephaniah 3:17.)

It’s sad to hear that you have let these silly comments affect you, and we would recommend that you talk to an adult about them, for example a youth leader or school nurse who can help you to get rid of the power these words have got over your thoughts and emotions.

You can also read:

Never good enough

The Perfect Body

How can I improve my self image?

Best wishes, boyandgirl.info

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