I want to stop watching porn

Hi,

It’s great that you want to quit porn, and it’s super that you contacted us to get help. Lots of people can identify with your story. Pornography has become so easily available on the internet, and a lot of people don’t realise that they are hooked on porn before they realise it’s a problem and try to stop.

It’s great that you have been open about this problem in your relationship with your fiancée. Too many people keep their use of porn a secret and can’t get free on their own. At the same time, it can be difficult for a friend or someone near like a fiancée or wife to help on their own. It can be a help to talk to someone outside, someone who you know will ask you how it’s going, and who wants to help you. This person could be a leader or another adult you trust, and who does not struggle with porn themselves. Just knowing that this person will call you in a week and ask how it’s going can be a big help in quitting porn. 

Porn is extremely addictive, and an important part of finding freedom is to break all the bad habits relating to using porn. It’s important to throw out any porn you have at home, like films and magazines, and delete it from your computer. If internet porn is the biggest problem, we would suggest that you make it more difficult for yourself to go on the net, at the times when you are most vulnerable. One example would be to place your laptop and mobile phone in another room when you’re going to bed or get rid of cable TV if that’s tempting you to stay up at night. You can replace bad habits with good ones, and by focusing on other interests apart from sex.

Dependence on porn can also be a result of struggles in other areas of life. When you feel a bit down or lonely it can be extra tempting to watch porn, in order to feel better for a short while. However, as you know, the problem is that you just feel worse afterwards. A lot of people have found that going to a counsellor, a priest or pastor, or therapy can help, if there are areas of life that they struggle with. They will also offer advice on how not to go back to old bad habits.

One of the reasons that porn has such a hold on us is that it touches our sexuality in a very powerful way, without satisfying us. Sex between two people is very powerful and doesn’t only affect the body: the inner self (also called soul and spirit) is also deeply affected by everything that has to do with sex. Porn can create an unnaturally big desire for sex and make us want to perform sex acts that we would never have wanted if we hadn’t watched porn. It’s important to use prayer as a key to freedom from porn, precisely because porn affects our inner self so deeply. You write that you have prayed a lot, and that’s great. But in this kind of situation, it can be a big help to pray with a counsellor or a leader you trust. Most people will feel an emptiness inside when they quit porn, so it can be a help to find someone to talk to and find help to fill that emptiness with positive things. As well as spending time with friends and focusing on hobbies and other interests we can also ask God to help fill the emptiness in us. At the deepest level it is a spiritual need that God can meet.

We understand that it’s been very difficult for you, and we know that it’s hard to break out of this bad habit. But we also believe that it is totally possible to be free from dependence on porn, and getting help from someone you can speak to confidentially is an important step in the right direction.

We recommend the following articles:

Hooked on porn

Three lies porn tells you 

Free from porn


Best wishes, boyandgirl.info