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Is it wrong to be in love with someone of the same sex?

I am asexual and have never had any sexual feelings. I’m fine with that, but I do fall in love with other girls (I’m a girl.) The Bible says it is sin to have sex with someone of the same sex, but it doesn’t say anything about having a very close friendship-type relationship with someone of the same sex. (The disciples hugged and also kissed one another.) I’m wondering if the Bible has anything against being in a romantic relationshp with someone of the same sex or having a boy/girlfriend of the same sex without sex and without being married, as that is only between a man and a woman. I can’t see anything wrong with living with, kissing and hugging another girl, most girls act like that these days (and they even have sex as friends). Thanks, girl of 16.

Hi girl of 16 and thanks for your question!

You write that you are asexual and have never had any sexual feelings. Normally this word is used to describe people who have never felt a sexual attraction to anyone else for a very long period of their lives. You are only 16 years old, and people wouldn’t normally use the word ‘asexual’ for someone of your age, as there is a big chance that you haven’t discovered all the sexual feelings yet. Some people get strong sexual feelings when puberty starts, but other people experience that the feelings come later on. Falling in love with other girls, as you do, is also a form of erotic emotions, even though you do not want be involved with them sexually.

It is not wrong to have a close friendship with someone of the same sex, just as it isn’t wrong to have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex. However, being romantically involved with someone is much more than just being a close friend. Even if a boyfriend and girlfriend don’t have sex with each other, it’s a totally different type of relationship than the relationship they have with other friends. Being boyfriend or girlfriend with someone should really be a time of preparation for getting to know each other before gettting engaged and then getting married. Marriage between a man and a woman is the only form of sexual relationship that God has blessed.

You say that the disciples hugged and kissed each other, but it doesn’t say this in the Bible. The disciples could probably have given each other a hug just as good friends do. Paul wrote to some churches to greet one another with a ‘holy kiss’, but that was something totally different than the kind of kiss which two people who are in love use. Two female friends can live in the same house and be close friends, but that is completely different from being in love. Many people today do choose to have sex without being married, but that doesn’t change the fact that God originally created sex as a gift only for marriage.

As Christians, we believe that the Bible is God’s Word to us, and that what He says is best for us. This is why we would not recommend you to enter a romantic relationship with another girl, even if you don’t think of having sex. It may be that the erotic, sexual feelings can change over time. Even though you haven’t experienced sexual feelings up till now, this might change in the coming years.

Best wishes,


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