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Is it wrong to talk about sex?

Hi, Me and my girlfriend have decided to wait before we have sex. But is it wrong to talk about sex and how much we look forward to it? From a guy of eighteen.

Hi, and thanks for a good question!

We have a positive view of sex, and we believe that you can talk about everything! However, if you want to succeed in waiting to have sex, it may be a good idea to think about the timing of the different conversations you have about sex. You don’t write how long you have been together, or anything about where you are in the relationship. As a general rule we’d say that your conversations on this topic should be different early on in the relationship compared to later on. It is a good idea to define the physical limits you will place on the relationship early on, and at this stage you can also talk about and focus on the values that make you wait. On the other hand, if you have come further in the relationship, and are soon to be married, then it will be more natural to get prepared for having sex with each other. As you discuss these issues you will be able to clarify expectations and also talk about how much you look forward to it.

We believe that early on in your relationship conversations on topics such as the dreams you have for life, what kind of relationship you will have, and communication challenges you have are more productive than conversations about how great it will be to have sex. Talking about how much you look forward to it (at least if it’s a lot) can create tension and a curiosity, and it would be foolish to focus on this too much before you get married. :-)

Good luck with your relationship and with the good decision you made!


Best wishes


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