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I’ve been thinking about someone for five years

I’ve been thinking about someone for five years. I’m sexually attracted to him, but he is in a relationship. Is this OK or is it wrong?

Hi, and thanks for your question,

Thoughts, fantasies and sexual feelings are natural and normal. Only you can decide how much room you will allow these thoughts and fantasies to take up in your mind. Continually fantasizing about someone who is in another relationship isn’t healthy or productive for you. It would be better for you to forget this person, and focus your thoughts on someone you can find who you will be attracted to and love. The more room you give to thoughts and fantasies, the more space they take in your mind.

The person you mention is not free, so you should ‘break up’ the relationship you have with him in your mind. Tell yourself that this five-year ‘relationship’ is over. In order to really quit this ‘relationship’, you need to get rid of photos and other things that remind you of him. You also need to stop thinking about him. You can do this by thinking about something else when these thoughts come, almost as if you are changing channels on the TV. It will help if you have something else to think about already, so you don’t need to search for something else. Another idea is to focus more on your present situation and try to be available for others around you. Spend time with friends and keep active and busy, this will help you to put this attraction behind you.

Best wishes

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