Marrying an unbeliever?

Hi, and thanks for bringing up such an important question.

Most of us have friends and family who believe something else and have different opinions than we do. We love them and enjoy being with them. When we choose a partner for life, it is very important that we choose someone who will stand with us, support us and go in the same direction as we’re going. It is hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have the same faith and lifestyle. Faith is not just an interest or an activity you do, rather, it is the very essence and meaning of our lives, so it is difficult if we cannot share that with someone. As a Christian, we find strength, courage and joy as we read the Bible, pray and join a Christian fellowship, and it would be a great loss not to be able to share and experience these things with a partner. When you are married, you are one flesh, and if you are one with someone who does not believe in God, there is no unity in the spirit. We can read in Luke 11: 23 that ‘Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.’

This makes it hard to be united to someone who is going in the opposite direction.

If you can’t share your faith with the other person, there will be practical challenges in relation to physical boundaries and sex (before marriage), choice of friends, fellowship, activities, films, alcohol, habits, lifestyle, church life, the focus in your home, how you spend your time, fellowship in Bible reading and prayer, child rearing and so on.

Some people think it’s OK to have a partner who isn’t a Christian, because when you have a partner you are often so in love and positive to each other that you don’t see a problem. Some people find that the challenges arrive after marriage, when you spend every day together, share everything and perhaps bring up children together. Some people find that their partner becomes a Christian, others find that they themselves become a lukewarm or cold Christian. There are lots of different stories about Christians who have married non-Christians. Some think it goes fine, others think it is difficult.

Regardless, we think it is important to choose a partner on another foundation and not on feelings of being in love: choose someone who you can agree with on the most important thing in life. Two Corinthians 6:14 tells us that we should not marry a person who doesn’t have our faith, as faith is so central for our life now and in eternity.

Best wishes, boyandgirl.info