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Masturbation between Married Couples


Hello!

Thanks for a great website and good guidance on sex and cohabitation. Very good that some take up these important things on the foundation of Christian ethics.

I have read your views about masturbation and have some questions. You write that sexuality should be lived out within the marriage between man and woman - that it is all about relationship. Simply put, masturbation is linked to individuals and that it is not included in the male/woman relationship.

But is it ok that my wife and I masturbate each other? Or is it only intercourse that expresses the relationship between a man and woman in a sexually active relationship?

Best wishes from a man who is really wondering about it.



Thanks for the question.

It is great that you use the material on our website to look for information that's relevant to you. True, in our opinion, - a sexual relationship between a man and a woman begins, according to the Bible, long before they have intercourse. Sexuality arises a exists once mind and body begin to think about sex and begin to be stimulated in preparation for intercourse with someone else. Matthew 5:28 "Everyone who looks at a (married) woman and lusts after, her has committed adultery with her in their heart". Jesus makes it clear that sexuality is a heart issue, and challenges us to steward also our thought-life healthily.

The only place the Bible opens for us to let loose sexuality between us as humans is within a marriage or marriage pact between a male and a female. However, within the marriage itself, God has not set a parameter for what can and cannot be done as long as it is done in love (and love will also entail not inflicting harm on our partner). Nowhere is it said that mutual masturbation in marriage is not allowed. Masturbation is usually used to describe the sexual stimulus in isolation, so if it is performed on each other, within  a marriage, it is not perianal so-called masturbation-, but a sexual stimulation of one another.

As stated, within marriage, one is free to stimulate each other sexually in any way both find beneficial. The most important guidelines are to not do anything that violates them. Therefore, it is important to talk about what is good for the other person sexually, and what they don't find comfortable. With this in mind, we want to encourage you to enjoy each other, and take pleasure in each other's bodies in matrimony, be good to one another and, - as I stated, respect each other's boundaries and keep away from doing anything the other person does not like or find comfortable.

What you and your wife do in your bedroom is private, between you two only; and an intimate bedroom secret that you can develop along with each other, so you get to know one another better and better. Sexuality is the most intimate and close, but at the same time extremely vulnerable area of a marriage. It is a great pleasure and enjoyment when you both work towards and show mutual respect, in love.

In short, sexuality is so much more than just intercourse, containing a variety of words and physical expressions of the love you have for each other. Agree on your boundaries and go on an adventure together. Be glad to be married to one another, in a life situation that comes with a God-given freedom to give and receive to the benefit of both parties.

Sincerely, 
BoyandGirl.info

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