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My partner and I have both got ME. What should we do in terms of getting married and having children?
We’ve been talking about a small wedding.



Hi, and thanks for your question.

It isn’t easy to give a good answer to this question. ME is different from person to person, some are less affected than others, and some have periods when they are more affected than at other times. Everyone has a different foundation for it and different opportunities to get help and support from family and other sources. It is hard for us to answer when we don’t know how you function in daily life. A lot of effort is needed to get married and have children, and you will both have to function at a level that makes it possible for daily life at home to work.


The wedding party will not be the biggest challenge, as you can have a small, very simple wedding. You can get good help in planning and carrying it out. You can plan a wedding party according to what you are able to do, and you can adjust its size, length and content according to your energy levels. A wedding will last just one day, so you have plenty of time to regain your strength afterwards. Even though you are two ill adults you can still make it work even though it is demanding. However, having children is a whole different question. Having children is a full-time job which you cannot rest from when you want.

There are lots of different stories of people who have had children when they have ME. What is common to them all is that they needed help from outside to make it work. Children are quite demanding, and you can’t just hit the pause button when you need to rest. There can be long periods of little sleep and there is always something happening. A lot of people say that it has worked anyway, as they have a partner, parents, parents-in-law, and others in the family who help when it is needed. In most cases there will be a need for one of the parents to be healthy and strong enough to contribute that extra help when it is needed. You have an added challenge in that both of you are sick and neither of you can give the extra effort needed when the other is tired out.

It’s tough being a mum or dad when you feel that you don’t have enough energy to take care of your child. And it can be tough for children to have parents who can’t manage to do the same as other parents. Children who have sick parents are more vulnerable and it can affect their sense of being protected and cared for. This is true of many other illnesses which affect energy levels and physical development. A lot of children grow up with sick parents but still have a good upbringing.

Even though contraceptives are readily available today, you can never be absolutely sure of not getting pregnant when you are married and have a sex life. If your health is so poor that you would have big problems taking care of children, you would need to keep this in mind. However, if you think about it and come to the conclusion that you are healthy enough to look after each other and also children, then ME in itself is not a reason not to get married.

We can’t give a more specific answer to your question, but we recommend that you seek advice from a doctor, family therapist and an ME support group. An ME support group will enable you to talk to others who have been in a similar situation.

Best wishes, boyandgirl.info

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