I’m a girl of fifteen and my boyfriend is also fifteen. He isn’t a Christian, and I find this very sad and difficult. He asks me a lot about my faith and criticises it a lot, he doesn’t criticise me personally, he just need someone to talk about it with. I’m starting to feel that I should stop going out with him, we’ve been together quite a long time. I don’t have any close Christian friends, there are some I meet about three times a year at camps or twice a year at other meetings which are far away, but they are not close friends. I feel really lonely, and there’s no one I can pray with or talk about my faith with. This is very difficult for me, and at the same time I’ve been bullied as long as I can remember because I’m a Christian. I’m the only Christian in my school which is from 1–10th grade. I find it really tough, what should I do? Should I break up with him? Should I stop being with my non-Christian friends?
Hi dear girl of 15,
It isn’t easy to answer whether you should break up with your boyfriend or with your friends. But we can help you to think about the problems you experience right now.
You are in a difficult situation being a young Christian girl without any support from like-minded friends. It must be very tough to be alone as a Christian and to be bullied for it too. It must be even more difficult when your boyfriend, who is also your best friend, and who is so important to you, challenges and argues with you a lot. As you say, then it becomes painful and difficult for you. Even though you say he doesn’t criticise you personally, it can still feel personal as your faith is a part of you.
You can also read: Can I date her if she doesn't share my faith?
When you are choosing a boyfriend it is important to find one who will stand with you and support you and have the same goal. It is hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share the same faith and lifestyle. There will be a lot of challenges for you both when you don’t share the same faith. These challenges can be for example in terms of physical boundaries, sex, activities, films and alcohol. Being in love is a feeling that we can have even if we’re not a good match with the other person, so it is important that you don’t let such feelings decide who you will date. You need to choose on other grounds than feelings of being in love. You have now been together for 18 months. People change a lot during their teenage years, and the person you date as a teenager is seldom the kind of person you would choose as an adult. As you get older and get other interests and a different focus in terms of choices, lifestyle, habits and boundaries, your faith and attitudes will lead to a clearer focus when it comes to a boyfriend and friends in general.
You can also read: Forelsket i den rette / How to find the right partner
You can absolutely have non-Christian friends. However, although you have friends to be with, you will probably still feel lonely since none of them share your faith and they can’t talk about your faith or pray with you. It is hard to be lonely and different at your age, and you are brave and tough to be able to discuss and defend your faith. Just having non-Christian friends can lead to challenges in terms of what people around you focus on, such as for example films, alcohol and sex. When you don’t have any friends to support you in your faith, you can easily be left to stand alone. Later on it might be difficult for you to stand up for what you believe in your circle of friends. You will probably also notice that some of your friends respect you more than others and it is important that you choose friends who will not pull you away from your faith. It is easy to be influenced by the people around you, so you need to be strengthened in order to be brave and strong enough to stand against bullying, arguments and other pressures.
Perhaps you can keep in touch online with some of your Christian friends from the camps you’ve been on, since there is no church or Christian youth fellowship where you live. Keep going to camps and other Christian conferences as much as you can.
You can also use the internet to find spiritual refreshing, boldness and strength. You can download sermons from the net. You can buy devotional books which can encourage you. And not least, read the Bible. God’s Word is life to you, it is powerful and living, and transforms you even if you don’t understand it all. ‘My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body’ (Proverbs 4:20–22).
‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go’ (Joshua 1:9)
‘… because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”’ (Hebrews 13:5b–6)
‘If God is for us, who can be against us?’ You can read Romans 8:31–39
You can also read: How Can a Couple Know If They Are a Good Match? / Vanskelig å være kristen / Er det min oppgave å gjøre vennene mine kristne
Best wishes, boyandgirl.info