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Stay overnight with my boyfriend?

I’m a girl of 23 and have chosen not to sleep in the same room as my boyfriend before we get married. He respects this, and he sleeps in the living room when he visits me. When he visits me at my parents’ house he sleeps in another room. He shares a flat with others, and when I stay overnight there I sleep in another room, and there are others in the flat as well. My mum says she thinks this is a bad idea, as we should set a good example for others; she says we should sleep at her house instead. She’s quite persuasive, but I don’t see the difference between me sleeping at his place in myown room, and him sleeping at my parents’ house in hisown room: there are still others in the house who know that we aren’t sleeping together. I think she might be trying to control us, but I’m not sure. I certainly don’t want to do anything against God’s good will for us, and I want to live in purity. Is it wrong of me to sleep at his flat? People might think the worst anyway ...


Thanks for your question. It’s great to hear that you’ve chosen to wait till you’re married to have sex!

Firstly, the Bible doesn’t say anything directly about whether its OK to stay overnight in the same house without having sex before you’re married. However, it does say a lot about the wisdom of fleeing from situations where we can be tempted, and which can cause us to fall into sin. The Bible also speaks about the importance of not tempting others to fall into sin.

Your parents obviously want to help and support you in your decision to wait till you’re married before having sex. They may know from experience that we all have a greater chance of success in our decisions if we have someone who keeps us accountable. Our parents do have a right to speak into our lives to a much greater degree than other people. The signals that you give vary: when staying at each other’s houses you give a stronger indication that you may be having sex than when he stays at your parents’ house.

Since you and your boyfriend have decided to stay overnight in the same house, remember that it will be much easier for you to keep to your boundaries if your parents are home. You might feel that your parents want to control you, but what they say is probably because they have a lot more experience than you have, and they just want to help you achieve what you’ve decided to achieve. You’re lucky to be surrounded by people like that!

It is true that people might think the worst anyway, but if you want to be a good example, not giving the impression that you have sex, then it would be a good idea to think about this.


Best wishes

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