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Will it be too late to have children if I wait until I get married to have sex?

Fertility rates in many Western countries are going down, and people are encouraged to have children earlier. If people don’t have sex before they get married (and don’t go on holiday together or live with each other) then they will want to spend a few years together without children, so they can travel a bit, enjoy each other and get to know each other sexually. But won’t this mean that a couple who get married in their early thirties might delay having children until they are too old?

From a woman who feels she is running out of time …


We understand your dilemma. There’s often a lot we want to do and we don’t always have enough time to do it.

It is true that in the West we are often encouraged to have children earlier, as a woman’s fertility decreases with age. On the other hand, even those who try to get pregnant in their twenties aren’t guaranteed a positive result. It can be problematic but you only get the answer by trying. Very often we actually don’t have a choice, and we have to wait patiently for Mr or Mrs Right.

Having said that, there’s a lot of time between the early thirties and the mid forties, which is when many women enter the menopause and become too old to have children. During these years there is usually enough time to get to know each other well and have children. It’s great to have time together as a couple before having children, but each couple will have to decide for themselves how much time they want or need. One important aspect to include in this evaluation is that as a couple you need to remember the risk of reduced fertility. It’s absolutely possible to both travel and get to know each other sexually when you have children, you just have to remember there are other things to take into consideration.

When it comes to your feeling of running out of time, it is important to remember to separate factors you can change and factors you can’t change. We don’t know much about your situation, but if you haven’t found someone to share your life with, then there isn’t much you can do to speed up the process. If this is the case, we encourage you to enjoy life as a single person, and enjoy the present. 

Regardless of where you are in life, we wish you all the best for the future, and peace and joy in the present.

Hope this is helpful!


Best wishes

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