Is it OK for a Christian couple to live together in a sexual relationship without being married (cohabiting)?

We have good reasons to say no to cohabitation if we look at what the Bible says about sex.

In the space of a few decades, cohabitation has become the most common way of life for young people in many parts of the West. In some countries in the West, more than 90 per cent of everyone getting married have been cohabiting.

We need to make a conscious choice if we are to say ‘no’ to cohabitation and go straight from dating to being married. But is this choice necessary? Is it wrong to cohabit?

Good reasons to say ‘no’ to cohabitation

In order to answer this question, we have to find out which texts in the Bible are relevant to this. 

There are no texts relating directly to cohabitation, but at the same time what the Bible says about marriage, and what it says about sex, give us good reasons to say no to cohabitation.

Against God’s will

First, we can say that the phrase ‘sexual immorality’ occurs fairly frequently in the Bible. The meaning of the word is very clear: sexual immorality is used to describe sex gone wrong.

Some people today think that the phrase only relates to sleeping around, or adultery. That is why they think that an unmarried couple can decide for themselves when it’s right for them to have a sexual life.

It isn’t an option for Christians to sleep together before they’re married

An understanding like that does not line up with the text. Quite the opposite. it is very clear that all sex before or outside of marriage is against God’s law. (See Exodus 22:16 and Deuteronomy 22:16).

This shows the way of thinking at the time of Jesus, and which we find in the New Testament. Mary and Joseph had not had sex although they were engaged (Matthew 1:18–19). Paul tells those who ‘burn with passion’ to marry if they can’t abstain from sex. (1 Corinthians 7:9).

It isn’t an option for Christians to sleep together before they’re married.

Can cohabitation be the same as being married?

Christians are obliged to wait till marriage to have sex. But can’t cohabitation be the same as marriage? Is a public, legally recognised marriage the only option?

In order to answer the question we have to look at how the Old Testament describes marriage. We find the first text that describes marriage in Genesis 2:24, ‘That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.’

We can see from this that there is a public aspect to marriage. Those who get married will leave their parents and start a new family. In this case it isn’t possible to get married in secret.

It is important that those who are getting married make their decision in front of family, friends and society.

A lifelong relationship

A marriage implies that a bond is created between a man and a woman. This bond is lifelong: Jesus says, ‘Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate’ (Mark 10:9). This is also highlighted in Genesis 2:24 where it says that the man should be ‘united to his wife’.

Thus, marriage is something very concrete and has a time when it starts. This is also why the word ‘divorce’ has a meaning.

Cohabitation can look like marriage in some ways. But when young adults move in together, and consciously decide not to get married, it’s very clear that cohabiting lacks some important characteristics which marriage has.

Additionally, cohabitation lacks a clear promise of faithfulness. A marriage presupposes that the marriage partners say clearly that they are entering a lifelong relationship. This is why it is important that they promise faithfulness in public. A marriage makes this happen. Cohabitation does not do this.