Hi,
I’m 30 and still single, in fact I’ve always been single.
Recently it’s become really important for me to find someone. I’ve always wanted to have a boyfriend, someone who I know is there for me. But recently I’ve really missed that special person.
Last summer I signed up on a dating site and started dating. I thought it would be more fun, but all the hassle just tired me out. I really want to meet someone but haven’t met anyone yet. I’ve been on some dates, but they didn’t really work out.
Recently I’ve been worrying about ending up single for the rest of my life. Lots of guys were interested in me on the dating website, but they stopped contacting me when they found out that I wanted to wait to have sex until I’m married. There are very few Christian men in the circles I’m in, in fact there are too few everywhere. I’ve been to a few Christian conferences and festivals, but have never met anyone there. Those who I met who I liked were either married or already dating someone.
Non-Christian men have invited me out, but not Christians, unless it’s through a dating website. I’m really frustrated by this. I’ve asked some friends if they know anyone they could introduce me to, but they say they don’t. The main problem is that there are so few Christian men, and I want to find someone with the same faith and value system. I feel quite discouraged about it. I don’t know what to do any longer.
It sounds really painful and difficult to have all these feelings. It is unfortunately true that there are more women than men in most Christian circles, and it isn’t always easy to find the right person. We can really understand the loss you feel in not having someone to share your life with, someone who will always be there for you. Sometimes we can long so much for a partner that we end up with someone who is not good for us, and that’s a worse solution than being single. It’s best to avoid the idea that ‘ending up single for the rest of my life’ is the worst thing that could happen.
Please read this article, it’s written by someone who has the same thoughts and worries as you: Things for singles to remember
This interview with the British pastor Sam Allberry can maybe give you a new perspective on life as a single: Christian, Single and Proud
There is nothing wrong with you as a woman inviting a man out on a date, if you see a Christian man with good qualities. As the saying goes, ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’. At the same time, we can also understand your frustration that Christian men don’t invite you out unless they’re on a dating website! Lots of people meet each other on dating websites, and it’s great for those who it works for, but a lot of people experience the same as you have. They get tired of meeting new people, of having expectations and hopes, and then they get disappointed.
Dating on a website often ends up with people moving a bit too fast. You write that a lot of those who are interested lose interest when they find out that you will not have sex early in the relationship. Use well-known Christian dating websites, and it is a good idea to write on your profile page what you think a relationship should be like, and also say something about what your Christian faith means to you.
We support you in that you don’t want to have sex before you get married. A lot of relationships are built on the wrong foundation when sex becomes more important than the friendship. Friendship and mutual respect are the main factors that will make a romantic relationship last a whole life. Sex is also part of a relationship of course, but it won’t be so good or safe if it is the foundation for the relationship.
You might also like: Longing..
Have you got someone you can talk to, someone who understands how you’re doing, who can support you and pray with you? It might be someone in your church (if you go to church), or someone who counsels professionally. It can be really tough to live alone with these painful feelings that you describe, and it can often help to feel that you can talk about them and get some support.
Unfortunately we don’t have a recipe for how you can find a partner, but you can read other articles on the topic on this website.
We hope that you also talk regularly to God about your desire. He doesn’t always give us what we pray for, but He can lead you and comfort you in whatever you’re going through in life.
It sounds like you have good friends, and an active social life. That’s great! Good friends can’t replace a partner, but it is important not to isolate yourself when you’re alone. Finally, we wish you God’s blessing over your life.
We also have several good podcasts on this topic, which we hope will inspire you:
Looking for Mr Right
Identity in Christ – Sam Allberry and Olof Edsinger
Best wishes, boyandgirl.info