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Have had sex, but I’m not married

Hi. I'm a 17-year-old girl.
I have had sex, but I'm not married yet. I hope to marry a Christian man sometime in the future because I am a Christian myself. But after reading what you wrote about waiting until you're married, I feel like a bad person. I have not become emotionally cold, though... and I have only had good intimate experiences so far... without being very hurt either. I feel like I know myself better now that I'm in touch with my natural desire for intimacy with people I love. I'm confused by what feels natural and fun... and what you write in here. What should I do?

Hello dear, and thank you for an important question.

You are not a bad person, even if you occasionally make some unwise or bad choices of one kind or another. Your value does not depend on what you do but on the fact that you are created by God and for God. We at Boyandgirl.info believe that God's desire and plan was that all sexual intercourse should belong within the context of marriage between a man and a woman and that all sexual contact outside of that is contrary to God's will. We also believe that God's grace cleanses us from all sin and fully restores our relationship with God.

Read: God's grace is greater than anything else

We humans don't always understand the extent of our choices, and the consequences are not always immediately apparent. And even if your feelings are good and you like the choices you make, it's not always right. Feelings and desires do not determine what is right and wrong. We at Boyandgirl.info believe in what the Bible says: when two people have sexual activity, it’s not just a physical act but the most intimate connection between two people that involves spirit, soul, and body. The Bible says that the two then become one body (in spirit). Even if you don't feel it, we believe it happens. Even if the bodies are separated, and you go your separate ways, a lasting bond has been created between the two people who had sex with each other.

Read: The invisible reality of sex

What you feel in your body are completely natural desires and needs. After puberty, the sex drives are in all of us, creating natural and spontaneous desires and urges. Fortunately, we can control these desires with our will. If we want to, we can follow our desires, and if we don't want to, we do not. This is also the case with all the other temptations and desires we have. It is not good for us to follow all our desires, nor every sexual desire.

Read: Why you shouldn't have sex before you are married.

Like everyone else, you face the choice of how to manage your sexuality. You can choose to continue living it out, enjoying the moments and experiences because you think it's natural and fun and feels good and right. Or, as a Christian, you can trust that God knows what's best for you. God is not right when we agree with him and wrong when we disagree. But it can be difficult to motivate yourself to live by what you don't understand the importance of. We would therefore recommend that you read more on the website so that you can find motivation and understanding that the choice you are facing is important for both you and your future husband.

You may also read: Marrying someone who has had sex / 10 good reasons to wait with sex

Best wishes!

Kind regards, BoyandGirl.info

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