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We overstepped our boundaries, what should we do?

Hi boyandgirl.info!
I’m 19 and have some questions for you. Me and my boyfriend have been together for eight months now. Before we got together we talked about waiting until we were married to have sex, and we both agreed this was something we wanted to do.
After we started dating I quickly realised that this was the guy I wanted to share the rest of my life with. We both felt the same way about the future, and this led to us pushing the limits that we had set. It started with small things, but in the end we started having sex. We did this for some time, as it felt like the right thing to do since we were going to get married anyway. However, about a month ago I began to get a really bad conscience about this. I started to think about what God thought of it, and realised He was disappointed with us. I got really scared that we had messed up, and ‘dirtied’ our relationship.
I love my boyfriend very much, and didn’t want sex to get in the way of our relationship before marriage. After I had talked about this with him, he realised what I meant, and he suggested that we stop immediately. At the start it was very difficult for us to stop, and we’ve prayed a lot for God’s forgiveness and strength. We looked at your website together, and read some of the articles there. It says in one of the articles that you should ask God to break the bond that is created when two people have sex. Is this really necessary? What do you mean by this? We often pray together, asking God to keep us pure and for a healthy relationship.
My other question is this: have you any advice about what we can do? As I said, it has got a bit easier as time goes on, but sometimes we end up too near the boundaries. It is especially challenging as we know what we are missing. He finds it harder than I do, have you got any advice for him? I thank God that we have managed so far, and we often ask Him to help us. I like to spend time with him when we focus on other things, and I appreciate how our relationship can develop without so much physical involvement. Thanks in advance for answering our questions!

Hi and thanks for your questions,

It is really good that you are aware of your own boundaries and that you want to live according to God’s will! It can cost a bit to do what you have been convicted of in your conscience, but in the long run it costs more to go against your conscience. It’s great that you talk and pray together. God doesn’t only forgive us for the wrong we’ve done, He will also give you strength to do what is right.

The Bible describes sex as a gift from God and a sign of the covenant that is created between a man and a woman when they get married. The Bible says that when a man and a woman have sex they become ‘one body’. (See 1 Corinthians 6:16.) Something happens which is much more than strong emotions: a strong, invisible bond is created between the two people. This is something beautiful which can bind two people together in marriage. However, when this occurs and they are not married, this strong bond can make it difficult for them to stop having sex.

You should not break the love that you have for each other, but there may be unhealthy bonds which create feelings of shame, or which cause you to do things you will regret. It’s these unhealthy bonds that you can break in prayer. It’s not magic or weird, it’s about God giving us authority to release each other from things that bind us (Matthew 18:18). One way to do this would be to pray the following: “we break every unhealthy bond between us in the name of Jesus”.

When you have asked God to forgive you, you really are forgiven and cleansed (1 John 1:9). When you break these invisible bonds you will notice that it is easier not to go over your boundaries. However, temptations will not just disappear. This is why it is important to avoid situations where there can be the temptation is too strong. It would be a bad idea to stay overnight in each other’s house, or to be alone together late at night. You can read lots of good tips here:

Hvor skal kjæresten min og jeg sette grenser?
Sove sammen med kjæresten
Sett dine egne grenser
Guds nåde er større enn alt

Best wishes, boyandgirl.info

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