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What can I do about low self-confidence?

I have very low self-confidence. What can I do?


In your question you say that you have very low self-confidence, and you wonder what you can do about it. First of all, I want to say that it is great that you are writing and asking for advice. That means that you have already taken a step to doing something about it.

Low self-confidence is something that a lot of us struggle with, even though it may not seem that way from the outside. It is so easy for us to think negatively about ourselves, for example that others are so much better, cleverer, better looking, and so on. We can also often think that others are thinking badly of us. But do you know what? There’s a good chance that ‘the others’ also struggle with the same thoughts that you struggle with.

Why do we have low self-confidence and why are we so quick to think negatively about ourselves?

There are probably a lot of reasons, but the foundation for how we see ourselves is laid in our childhood and our upbringing.

Some of us have not had good, supportive adults around us: people who see us, encourage us and give positive feedback in our childhood and teenage years. Some people don’t have others around them who cheer them on, people who say ‘You can do it!’ On the other hand, they might have had people around them who pull them down and speak badly about them. It might be hard for them to make friends, or they might have been bullied. They might have grown up in a family situation where the adults had low self-confidence and have transferred this to the children.

You can also read: The Need for Affirmation

However, regardless of the reasons for it, we can do something about it! It is important to make a decision to change it. Be aware of the way you think and talk about yourself. Low self-confidence is a feeling, and feelings don’t always tell the truth! If you feel that you are bad at something, it might be a lie. And if you feel that you are worthless, that is definitely a huge lie, as everyone is of infinite value.

You can decide not to say anything negative about yourself, and about others. 

We don’t know you, your age or your background. But whatever your past experiences or your background, the fact is that most people find it easier to criticise themselves than to think positively about themselves.

It can be easy to say things like, ‘I’m so bad at that,’ or, ‘I could never do that.’

When you say things like that to yourself you will automatically feel bad and it weakens your self-confidence. It isn’t easy to change the way you think about yourself, and even if you decide to think in a better way, there might often be times when you relapse into the old way of thinking. But remember, practising will make it easier to think positively about yourself. In order to do this it is important to stop thinking negatively about yourself; it all starts in your thoughts.

You might also like: I want to get rid of negative thoughts

Our thoughts lead to emotions which affect our actions. When we think negatively, we perform worse and this just confirms the negative thoughts, and a negative circle starts. But if we think positively, this will also affect our feelings so that we behave more confidently and perform better. This is why it is so important that we ‘catch’ the negative thoughts and reject them. Sometimes it can even help to say ‘Get out of my head’ to those negative thoughts! 

We recommend you to find some positive words to say to yourself. 

One way to do this is to stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say to yourself:

– I am valuable
– I am accepted just as I am
– I mean something for someone
– I am unique
– I am loved
– I am good at ... 
– I am able to ...
– I am good-looking

You can also find other positive things to say that are important to you. This might be difficult, especially at the start, but don’t give up even though it might sound a bit strange. Other people don’t need to hear! Say it out loud even though you don’t feel like it, and after some time it will have an effect and you will start to feel better.

You can get a lot of help from the Bible, and faith in Jesus. The Bible says a lot about how God sees us. By reading the Bible you can get filled with encouraging words about how Jesus sees you, and start to believe that it is true. You can read how precious you are, how infinitely valuable you are, how loved you are, and that you are created in God’s image. He has created you just as He wanted you to be, you are accepted just as you are, you are unique, you are forgiven[MOU1]  if you have repented of your sin, and you are God’s joy. If you feel bad, you can thank God for how He sees you. You can also read verses from the Bible out loud for yourself, because when we read the words aloud and hear them, faith is created in our hearts, and this makes it easier to receive what it says in the text.

You can read more about it in these articles:

You are special!

What do you HAVE?

God has given you lots of skills, talents and gifts which He wants you to use. Don’t try to copy others, be yourself! Ask God about the plans He has for you, He has definitely got a fantastic plan for your life, tailor-made just for you!

There are no doubt lots of things you are good at, but maybe you haven’t discovered them yet. If you have a good friend who you trust, you can talk to them about this and ask them to let you know what you are good at. Sometimes other people can see things more clearly than we can. You can even agree to give each other an encouragement every day!

Finally, remember that other people might need to hear positive words from you. If we speak encouraging words to each other we will probably experience an increase in our self-confidence, as real self-confidence lifts other people up instead of pushing them down.

We would also encourage you to read this answer: What can I do about low self-esteem?

You will also find a lot of good links which can help you as you work towards more self-confidence.

We hope this has been of help to you, and wish you all the best for the future!

Best wishes, boyandgirl.info

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