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When I get married, I can finally have sex

Hello! I'm in a phase in my life where I think: "When I get married and can FINALLY have sex, then I will be happy". I have managed to trick myself into thinking that the greatest goal of my life is getting married, because then I can finally have sex. I am aware that this type of thinking is wrong, but how can I manage to think correctly? Thanks in advance for your reply :-)


The great focus on sex in our culture makes one believe that if you have sex, you are happy, that the meaning of life is an active and successful sex life. It is not like that. Sex will not automatically be good and it's not as simple as it seems in movies and the way people talk about it. Nor is sex what you really need and have the greatest need for. It is natural and understandable that you think about and long for sex, but you are deceiving yourself if you think that happiness lies there.

Most of the time spent in life and in a relationship do not consist of sex, so there are so many other aspects to both life and cohabitation which determine whether it will be happy or not. Your marriage will also be filled with studying, work, finances, cooking, dishes, cleaning, family and all those things life otherwise is filled with. The expectations you have of each other and the relationship, will mostly control the feeling of happiness or unhappiness. 

Read: Er sex et grunnleggende behov?

As a human being, you have a need to be loved, and most of us long for someone to share our life with. The need for closeness is not mainly about sex but can equally be about to have someone to hold, hug, hold your hand, someone to stroke your hair, pat and touch you in a loving way. Sex is an important ingredient in marriage and creates closeness and intimacy, but it is not a basic need. One can live a good and meaningful life without being in a relationship and without being sexually active.

You can listen to this podcast: Identity in Christ

More important than focussing on your sex-life, is to choose wisely who you are going to marry. When you are aware of your way of thinking, you can help yourself with changing the “automatic” thoughts with “chosen thoughts”. It is an active choice you must make repeatedly, until it becomes automatic. 

Read also:
Things for singles to remember
The invisible reality of sex?

Warm regards BoyandGirl.info

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